Dear George,
You know that most of the time I try to put a brave face on the fact that I'm alone. I can usually remind myself that I was promised in my patriarchal blessing that I will eventually find my eternal companion, and that he will love me and we will return to Heavenly Father together.
If not in this life then in the next. And I remind myself how fast the first 29 years of my life have gone by, and how every year seems to come faster and faster. So if I never find him in this life it really isn't that long of a time. Compared to eternity.
And most of the time all of that is true. Most of the time I can say honestly that I am trusting in Heavenly Father and if I have to wait then I have to wait.
But I never ever tell people that sometimes late at night when I am lying alone in the dark where no one can see, I cry. Most of the time it doesn't hurt me that I'm alone. But sometimes it hurts sooo much. I know my eternal companion is out there, and that he's looking for me. And yes, I know that there's no one person I am "meant" to be with, no soul mate. But I know that the person I will eventually marry is out there somewhere.
That should be hopeful, right? Then why do I feel so sad about it?
I know that when we're ready to be together we will be. And until then I just need to focus on getting ready. Growing as a person and in the gospel.
I just pray that he's happy, and safe. And that wherever he is he knows that I am looking for him too, and that he is loved.
And in my heart of hearts I pray a selfish prayer that Heavenly Father will lead us to each other soon.
S
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Things my CEO said
Dear George,
A while ago the CEO of my company came and spoke to a group of us. He makes it his policy to "meet" with every new associate. Keep in mind I work for a VERY large company, so it is really cool he does that. It's not one on one though, he totally doesn't have time for that! So there were like 30 of us in the room. He spoke for a while and then opened it up for questions. I wrote down some things he said because I want to remember them, and I thought they were cool so I'm sharing them with you. He was a really nice guy and you can tell that my company REALLY cares about it's employees.
About the company -
The sole source of security and opportunity comes from the customers.
About how to succeed in our company, and in life -
Have uncompromising integrity.
Invest for total long term after taxes return. In your health, education, family, etc...
Those who recognize opportunity and take full advantage of it rise to the top of the pyramid.
It doesn't really matter how smart you are, other things matter too. He quoted Warren Buffet "If your IQ's 150 give back 30 cause you don't need it."
What will bring you the most happiness is doing something you love, that's worthwhile, with people you care about.
Try your level best to not do anything or say anything that would lead people to question your integrity, honesty, or motivation.
Be your own best critic.
You've gotta work harder than anyone else, but you've gotta be able to give others credit for it.
Beyond your first job, people will determine your success. Be a team player.
Any time someone expects more of you than you do of yourself then you're already losing.
Be lucky. Which means - have the ability to recognize opportunity and prepare so well that you can take advantage of it before it's too late.
If you want a good mentor, find someone who knows enough about you and will tell you everything that's wrong with you. Who will tell you how to take advantage of your strengths, and overcome your weaknesses. Someone who will never let you be satisfied. Don't let them get too close to you though, or they will become reluctant to tell you the truth all the time.
Too many people do not go after their own abilities. Most people are where they are because of their comfort level, not because of their ability.
Be curious about our industry and company.
Be curious in general.
How do you succeed? You just have to want to.
What to focus on to advance quickly in life and in the company.
Dependability
No swear words
Tithe
No debt
Be a team player
Top scores
Be driven
Be curious
How cool is that George? That I get to work for a company that cares about us enough that the CEO takes the time when he's in town to meet with the associates like that? I LOVE it!!
S
A while ago the CEO of my company came and spoke to a group of us. He makes it his policy to "meet" with every new associate. Keep in mind I work for a VERY large company, so it is really cool he does that. It's not one on one though, he totally doesn't have time for that! So there were like 30 of us in the room. He spoke for a while and then opened it up for questions. I wrote down some things he said because I want to remember them, and I thought they were cool so I'm sharing them with you. He was a really nice guy and you can tell that my company REALLY cares about it's employees.
About the company -
The sole source of security and opportunity comes from the customers.
About how to succeed in our company, and in life -
Have uncompromising integrity.
Invest for total long term after taxes return. In your health, education, family, etc...
Those who recognize opportunity and take full advantage of it rise to the top of the pyramid.
It doesn't really matter how smart you are, other things matter too. He quoted Warren Buffet "If your IQ's 150 give back 30 cause you don't need it."
What will bring you the most happiness is doing something you love, that's worthwhile, with people you care about.
Try your level best to not do anything or say anything that would lead people to question your integrity, honesty, or motivation.
Be your own best critic.
You've gotta work harder than anyone else, but you've gotta be able to give others credit for it.
Beyond your first job, people will determine your success. Be a team player.
Any time someone expects more of you than you do of yourself then you're already losing.
Be lucky. Which means - have the ability to recognize opportunity and prepare so well that you can take advantage of it before it's too late.
If you want a good mentor, find someone who knows enough about you and will tell you everything that's wrong with you. Who will tell you how to take advantage of your strengths, and overcome your weaknesses. Someone who will never let you be satisfied. Don't let them get too close to you though, or they will become reluctant to tell you the truth all the time.
Too many people do not go after their own abilities. Most people are where they are because of their comfort level, not because of their ability.
Be curious about our industry and company.
Be curious in general.
How do you succeed? You just have to want to.
What to focus on to advance quickly in life and in the company.
Dependability
No swear words
Tithe
No debt
Be a team player
Top scores
Be driven
Be curious
How cool is that George? That I get to work for a company that cares about us enough that the CEO takes the time when he's in town to meet with the associates like that? I LOVE it!!
S
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Quid clarius astris?
Dear George,
What is brighter than the stars?
Actually, I'm kindof asking. My little brother who is not so little showed me a picture of our family crest. My family is from Scotland originally, and that is the family motto.
The crest is pretty cool, it's a blue shield with nine stars on it, with the usual flourishes around the shield, and a knight's helmet on top.
But what I really want to know is how did they pick that family motto? Most of the time the mottos are something about loyalty or bravery or Christianity.
I figure there has to be a story behind that one. But I can't find it online. Granted, I only looked for a little while. But the motto is hundreds of years old, so the story may have been lost.
Another variation of the motto is "in caligine lucet" which translates as "it shines in the dark." so now I'm thinking there MUST be some kind of story...why 9 stars? Why the mottos about the darkness and shining? Sooo many questions!!
So George, what is brighter than the stars? That shines in the dark?
S
What is brighter than the stars?
Actually, I'm kindof asking. My little brother who is not so little showed me a picture of our family crest. My family is from Scotland originally, and that is the family motto.
The crest is pretty cool, it's a blue shield with nine stars on it, with the usual flourishes around the shield, and a knight's helmet on top.
But what I really want to know is how did they pick that family motto? Most of the time the mottos are something about loyalty or bravery or Christianity.
I figure there has to be a story behind that one. But I can't find it online. Granted, I only looked for a little while. But the motto is hundreds of years old, so the story may have been lost.
Another variation of the motto is "in caligine lucet" which translates as "it shines in the dark." so now I'm thinking there MUST be some kind of story...why 9 stars? Why the mottos about the darkness and shining? Sooo many questions!!
So George, what is brighter than the stars? That shines in the dark?
S
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Dear George,
Have you ever met someone and known you were supposed to be with them?
I went with 3 of my girl friends to see a movie tonight. We saw the Adjustment Bureau. It's a really cool movie, and you should go see it when you have a chance. Anyways, in the movie this guy meets this girl and there's an instant connection, and then he has to fight to be with her. Even though he's only seen her a couple times. He knows he's meant to be with her.
Now I know it doesn't always work that way, that there are many different people we could end up with and be happy. That we don't have "soulmates" in that sense, but we can find true love that will last for eternity.
But what do you do when you meet someone and you KNOW you're supposed to be with them, but they don't feel the same way?
The first time I ever saw SD he got up in fast and testimony meeting and bore his testimony. I'm sorry to say I don't remember what his overall point was, but I do remember one thing. I remember he said something about how he used to not brush his teeth every day because he'd just have to brush them the next day. First of all I thought it was really funny that he'd get up and say something like that to a room full of single women. Not exactly something that would make him date material. But...for me it actually DID make him date material. I remember thinking about what it would be like if he was my husband and got up in front of people and said things like that. Even now it makes me just grin and shake my head.
Then later on I was waiting to meet with the Bishop and SD was sitting outside the office next to me an we got to talking. And he told me he was working on a screenplay for a movie. It was a zombie comedy...yeah I know...I never said he wasn't a bit odd. Anyways, I remember thinking that I'm going to have to talk about zombie comedies for the next few years since that was what he was working on and we were going to be together. I don't LIKE zombie movies, they scare me. And I have trouble imagining a zombie comedy.
But I just knew I'd have to learn to like them. Because he did.
And then I had sortof put that in the back of my mind and I was talking to Heavenly Father one night. To be honest I was kindof being a smart alec with Heavenly Father. A girl in my ward had spoken about how we need to have an eternal companion to progress through eternity. And I was kindof smarting off to Heavenly Father about it. Basically I said "ok, so I have to marry someone to return to you. So point him out. Who is he?" and I started naming random names in the singles ward. I was NOT being serious. But I named a couple people and then I names SD, and I got a yes. Not a little yes, but a YES. And I was like...wait...what? No I was joking... And I still had the yes. So I asked Heavenly Father what I should do with that information and he basically said "nothing". He said to be patient, and work on getting my life in order.
I am not a patient person. If there is ONE thing I am here to learn it's to be patient. AND I know that a "yes" doesn't always mean exactly "yes". Sometimes it means yes you'll be with this person, and sometimes it means yes they'd be a good person to be with, and sometimes it means yes you should ACT like you're going to be with this person because that will take you down a path that will teach you something you need to know.
But just between you and me George, sometimes I really really wish it was just YES. And I really wish SD would get the same message. There was a line in the movie that was something like "this is the first time in 25 years that I haven't felt alone."
Some days I am very tired of being alone. Some days I wish I had someone, even if I had to fight for them.
S
Have you ever met someone and known you were supposed to be with them?
I went with 3 of my girl friends to see a movie tonight. We saw the Adjustment Bureau. It's a really cool movie, and you should go see it when you have a chance. Anyways, in the movie this guy meets this girl and there's an instant connection, and then he has to fight to be with her. Even though he's only seen her a couple times. He knows he's meant to be with her.
Now I know it doesn't always work that way, that there are many different people we could end up with and be happy. That we don't have "soulmates" in that sense, but we can find true love that will last for eternity.
But what do you do when you meet someone and you KNOW you're supposed to be with them, but they don't feel the same way?
The first time I ever saw SD he got up in fast and testimony meeting and bore his testimony. I'm sorry to say I don't remember what his overall point was, but I do remember one thing. I remember he said something about how he used to not brush his teeth every day because he'd just have to brush them the next day. First of all I thought it was really funny that he'd get up and say something like that to a room full of single women. Not exactly something that would make him date material. But...for me it actually DID make him date material. I remember thinking about what it would be like if he was my husband and got up in front of people and said things like that. Even now it makes me just grin and shake my head.
Then later on I was waiting to meet with the Bishop and SD was sitting outside the office next to me an we got to talking. And he told me he was working on a screenplay for a movie. It was a zombie comedy...yeah I know...I never said he wasn't a bit odd. Anyways, I remember thinking that I'm going to have to talk about zombie comedies for the next few years since that was what he was working on and we were going to be together. I don't LIKE zombie movies, they scare me. And I have trouble imagining a zombie comedy.
But I just knew I'd have to learn to like them. Because he did.
And then I had sortof put that in the back of my mind and I was talking to Heavenly Father one night. To be honest I was kindof being a smart alec with Heavenly Father. A girl in my ward had spoken about how we need to have an eternal companion to progress through eternity. And I was kindof smarting off to Heavenly Father about it. Basically I said "ok, so I have to marry someone to return to you. So point him out. Who is he?" and I started naming random names in the singles ward. I was NOT being serious. But I named a couple people and then I names SD, and I got a yes. Not a little yes, but a YES. And I was like...wait...what? No I was joking... And I still had the yes. So I asked Heavenly Father what I should do with that information and he basically said "nothing". He said to be patient, and work on getting my life in order.
I am not a patient person. If there is ONE thing I am here to learn it's to be patient. AND I know that a "yes" doesn't always mean exactly "yes". Sometimes it means yes you'll be with this person, and sometimes it means yes they'd be a good person to be with, and sometimes it means yes you should ACT like you're going to be with this person because that will take you down a path that will teach you something you need to know.
But just between you and me George, sometimes I really really wish it was just YES. And I really wish SD would get the same message. There was a line in the movie that was something like "this is the first time in 25 years that I haven't felt alone."
Some days I am very tired of being alone. Some days I wish I had someone, even if I had to fight for them.
S
Location:Yes?
Why?
Dear George,
Sorry I haven't written in a few days, I don't really have a reason why not. So...sorry about that.
I have a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about and they're strangely related. Why is it that anything or anyone who is different either has to be an outcast or must be completely wrong? And if it's completely wrong then why do some people feel the need to force other people to agree it's wrong?
You know I am having a little trouble fitting in with my training class at work. I am different. I say what I think, I ask questions, I'm careful not to talk bad about people and it makes me unhappy when other people talk about people negatively, I think people should pay attention when your boss is giving you instructions, I don't curse, I don't drink, and probably many other things I can't think of right now, not all of which are good. I know I can be annoying, I admit it. But I try not to be. And everyone annoys someone else at one time or another.
Thing is, being different shouldn't be a bad thing. If everyone is being themselves, and trying to be a good person then differences make life interesting. So why do I feel more and more ostracized each day? Oh, some days are better than others, but it's a very strange feeling.
And frankly I'm not sure I really WANT to fit in anymore. Do I really want to be "part of a group" that excludes people? I'm not sure. I mean, yes they all have redeeming qualities, and yes they are worth trying to get to know. But if they clearly aren't interested in being friends then why on earth should I spend my time and energy on trying to get to know them?
I need to talk to God about it. I haven't been. I have this terrible habit of talking to everyone else about a problem but not talking to God. That's totally backwards...
And that brings me to the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. I was surfing YouTube today...by the way, there's some REALLY weird stuff on YouTube. Search for "ear wax" and see what comes up. Just...it's kindof gross so don't do it while you're eating.
Anyways, I'm surfing YouTube and I come across this video about Mormons. Now you know I'm Mormon, so I read the description and it's an anti-Mormon video. I didn't watch that one because frankly it was really really hateful. But a related video was Bill Moyer (I'll check the spelling later) so I watched that one. Apparently he's an atheist, which is fine. But he felt the need to go on national TV not just once but a few times and talk about how "crazy" the Mormon Church is.
My point tonight isn't that the Mormon Church isn't crazy (but it really isn't, but that's for another time), my point is this. Just because he doesn't agree with LDS beliefs he felt he needed to go on TV and ridicule them, to get a laugh out of the audience or whatever it is he wanted.
I'm not saying he was lying about his opinions about the Church, but they're just that. Opinions. He's entitled to his own opinions, and I would defend his right to have his own views against anyone. But I don't think it is morally or socially acceptable to ridicule a belief that is different than your own.
Listen George, I believe that atheists have it wrong, I believe that God does exist and a LOT of other things about Him that I won't get into right now. I believe that people who do not have a relationship with Heavenly Father are missing out on one of the greatest joys this life has to offer. I believe that they may be facing some really sad consequences after this life is over and I really wish they would make different choices.
BUT I also believe with every fiber of my being that those choices are THEIRS to make. That my responsibility is to make sure they know what options are out there, i.e. The facts as I know them, but that once I have done what I can to explain my position then my responsibility ends. I believe that they have a fundamental right to reject those facts if they choose to do so. And I DO NOT have the right to try and "force" them to "see reason" or ridicule their beliefs, whatever they are. I don't have the right to go and protest outside their holy places, to yell at them, to cast judgement upon them and where I think they'll end up. I don't have the right to look down on them, to think they're stupid or foolish for not believing exactly what I believe. And I certainly don't have the right to tell them they're stupid or foolish.
Furthermore, I don't really WANT to do any of that. The only thing worth spending time on in that regard is trying to lovingly help them IF and ONLY IF they are seeking help. If they're not, if they're clearly not interested, they WHY on EARTH would I want to spend my time and energy making fun of them????
I mean seriously, don't people have better things to do with their time? Why do they get so angry and vitriolic? Why are they so interested in tearing down something that doesn't mean anything to them? It would be like me spending hours and hours making fun of baseball. Baseball doesn't factor into my life, I know it's out there, but I don't care for it so I don't think about it very much.
In fact, if I WERE to spend hours and hours making fun of baseball it would ONLY serve to make baseball a bigger part of my life, thereby defeating my purpose of hating baseball...cause I just bring more baseball into my life...
For the record, I don't hate baseball. But I don't like it either. So it's a non factor.
So what's the gratification? What do people get out of it? My only guess is that it makes people feel superior to other people.
Which in itself is the saddest part. Sadder than anything else, even the most hateful things said about the Church. That people do it to feel superior to other people.
When in my belief, and according to the Church, we're ALL sons and daughters of God.
When you know you're a child of God, it kindof takes away the need to feel superior. If people only knew it, they could move on with their lives and spend their time doing something that brings them joy.
So now I'm not upset with that Bill guy anymore. Now I'm just sad, and not in the making fun of him way of being sad. But in the I kindof want to cry way of being sad.
S
Sorry I haven't written in a few days, I don't really have a reason why not. So...sorry about that.
I have a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about and they're strangely related. Why is it that anything or anyone who is different either has to be an outcast or must be completely wrong? And if it's completely wrong then why do some people feel the need to force other people to agree it's wrong?
You know I am having a little trouble fitting in with my training class at work. I am different. I say what I think, I ask questions, I'm careful not to talk bad about people and it makes me unhappy when other people talk about people negatively, I think people should pay attention when your boss is giving you instructions, I don't curse, I don't drink, and probably many other things I can't think of right now, not all of which are good. I know I can be annoying, I admit it. But I try not to be. And everyone annoys someone else at one time or another.
Thing is, being different shouldn't be a bad thing. If everyone is being themselves, and trying to be a good person then differences make life interesting. So why do I feel more and more ostracized each day? Oh, some days are better than others, but it's a very strange feeling.
And frankly I'm not sure I really WANT to fit in anymore. Do I really want to be "part of a group" that excludes people? I'm not sure. I mean, yes they all have redeeming qualities, and yes they are worth trying to get to know. But if they clearly aren't interested in being friends then why on earth should I spend my time and energy on trying to get to know them?
I need to talk to God about it. I haven't been. I have this terrible habit of talking to everyone else about a problem but not talking to God. That's totally backwards...
And that brings me to the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. I was surfing YouTube today...by the way, there's some REALLY weird stuff on YouTube. Search for "ear wax" and see what comes up. Just...it's kindof gross so don't do it while you're eating.
Anyways, I'm surfing YouTube and I come across this video about Mormons. Now you know I'm Mormon, so I read the description and it's an anti-Mormon video. I didn't watch that one because frankly it was really really hateful. But a related video was Bill Moyer (I'll check the spelling later) so I watched that one. Apparently he's an atheist, which is fine. But he felt the need to go on national TV not just once but a few times and talk about how "crazy" the Mormon Church is.
My point tonight isn't that the Mormon Church isn't crazy (but it really isn't, but that's for another time), my point is this. Just because he doesn't agree with LDS beliefs he felt he needed to go on TV and ridicule them, to get a laugh out of the audience or whatever it is he wanted.
I'm not saying he was lying about his opinions about the Church, but they're just that. Opinions. He's entitled to his own opinions, and I would defend his right to have his own views against anyone. But I don't think it is morally or socially acceptable to ridicule a belief that is different than your own.
Listen George, I believe that atheists have it wrong, I believe that God does exist and a LOT of other things about Him that I won't get into right now. I believe that people who do not have a relationship with Heavenly Father are missing out on one of the greatest joys this life has to offer. I believe that they may be facing some really sad consequences after this life is over and I really wish they would make different choices.
BUT I also believe with every fiber of my being that those choices are THEIRS to make. That my responsibility is to make sure they know what options are out there, i.e. The facts as I know them, but that once I have done what I can to explain my position then my responsibility ends. I believe that they have a fundamental right to reject those facts if they choose to do so. And I DO NOT have the right to try and "force" them to "see reason" or ridicule their beliefs, whatever they are. I don't have the right to go and protest outside their holy places, to yell at them, to cast judgement upon them and where I think they'll end up. I don't have the right to look down on them, to think they're stupid or foolish for not believing exactly what I believe. And I certainly don't have the right to tell them they're stupid or foolish.
Furthermore, I don't really WANT to do any of that. The only thing worth spending time on in that regard is trying to lovingly help them IF and ONLY IF they are seeking help. If they're not, if they're clearly not interested, they WHY on EARTH would I want to spend my time and energy making fun of them????
I mean seriously, don't people have better things to do with their time? Why do they get so angry and vitriolic? Why are they so interested in tearing down something that doesn't mean anything to them? It would be like me spending hours and hours making fun of baseball. Baseball doesn't factor into my life, I know it's out there, but I don't care for it so I don't think about it very much.
In fact, if I WERE to spend hours and hours making fun of baseball it would ONLY serve to make baseball a bigger part of my life, thereby defeating my purpose of hating baseball...cause I just bring more baseball into my life...
For the record, I don't hate baseball. But I don't like it either. So it's a non factor.
So what's the gratification? What do people get out of it? My only guess is that it makes people feel superior to other people.
Which in itself is the saddest part. Sadder than anything else, even the most hateful things said about the Church. That people do it to feel superior to other people.
When in my belief, and according to the Church, we're ALL sons and daughters of God.
When you know you're a child of God, it kindof takes away the need to feel superior. If people only knew it, they could move on with their lives and spend their time doing something that brings them joy.
So now I'm not upset with that Bill guy anymore. Now I'm just sad, and not in the making fun of him way of being sad. But in the I kindof want to cry way of being sad.
S
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