For good

Dear George,

Lately I have been spending a lot of time on YouTube. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes not. :-)

I found this song, from the musical Wicked, that has really spoken to me. I wanted to share it with you. Normally I wouldn't quote someone else's stuff to you, but this is important.

It goes like this -

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes the sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

George, I don't think about it often enough, I don't think I'm grateful enough. But this done has reminded me of how different things would have been if people hadn't been brought into my life.

Years ago, I was soooo unhappy. And yes, I know that sometimes I complain now, but I think that's mostly because I like to complain. Where I was years ago was so far away from where I am now there's no comparison.

Years ago, I was alone. I was so unhappy, and lonesome, and miserable. All I wanted was to return to Heavenly Father as quickly as possible. Somehow I knew He could make it all better.

It was so bad that I worked out a plan and everything. I just never picked a day. Back then I wasn't sure if killing myself would make my final act a sin and condemn me to hell. I was afraid I would be trading one short lifetime of unhappiness for an eternity of misery away from Heavenly Father.

And then things started happening, and at the time I didn't recognize God's hand in it. I wish I had though, because looking back on it I am amazed at the things He did for me. At the people who came into my life. I wish I would have been aware of all the changes and lifelines He gave me as they were happening. But then again maybe it's better I didn't know. I'm not the bravest person, it might have freaked me out!

There wasn't one person who changed everything. But everything did change, because He intervened.

From a kitten that needed to be loved when I needed someone to love and take my mind off myself.

To an old friend who came back into my life and exposed me to the Gospel.

To the missionaries who met with me week in and week out, who never complained even though I KNEW the Church was true but I was too afraid to DO anything about it for months. Who ran out of lessons and regular movies and so we watched Johnny Lingo. Who never knew that Johnny Lingo probably had a lot to do with me finally agreeing to be baptized because i started to understand what being a daughter of God could be like.

To the Church family who let us meet in their house every week, even though they must have been very busy with their own lives.

To the older lady who loaned me her Temple dress to be baptized in cause I thought I'd look ridiculous in the jumpsuit because I didn't know that EVERYONE wore the jumpsuits, but she never said a word and I felt pretty at my baptism.

To the Relief Society president who spoke with me in the changing room before the baptism and I don't remember what she said but I know it made me feel so loved, accepted, and that she was so proud of me. And we talked for so long my friend come in and said it sounded like we were singing from the other room and it was odd for us to be singing in the bathroom.

To the missionary who was standing waist deep in the water and he held out his hand to help me down the stairs and into my new life. Who averted his eyes when my skirt accidentally floated for a second.

To the Bishop and the other men who gave me the Gift of the Holy Ghost and didn't say one word about my transparent top over a undershirt with spaghetti straps because they knew I didn't know any better modesty wise and they didn't want to embarrass me.

To all the men who taught me what being a gentleman was all about, who were patient with me when I constantly caused traffic jams in hallways and restaurants because I didn't expect them to let me walk first and they never expected anything else.

To people who decided they were my friends, and didn't let me drop off the face of the planet when I tried to go inscribe.

To the missionaries, multiple sets of them, who were my friends when I didn't know I needed them. Who reminded me where I belonged and why. Who loved me, when no one asked them to and they didn't have to.

To my friend who was looking into the Church and asked sooo many questions it made me examine my own faith to figure out how to put into words what I believe and why.

To the Bishop who loves me, even though I told him the worst thing I have ever done. Who looked at me while I was telling him and still saw someone he loved. Who was proud of me when I was anything but proud of myself. Who saw my potential and gave me guidance and a calling to grow in. Who believed it and made me believe it when he said "you're going to make it."

To my old boss, who put up with me for years so I could grow and learn to be a better person. Who brought a little of the Church with him to work, who said it was his job not only to help grow the company but also to help grow us as people. Who, when it was time for me to go, let me go with dignity and genuine caring. Who was really happy for me when I found my new job.

To my parents, who didn't sign up to parent a depressed, lying, cheating stubborn daughter for 25 years only to have her join a "cult." who were understanding enough in the end to realize what that "cult" had done for that daughter, in making her a happy, honest, still stubborn daughter of almost 30. Who still didn't understand why she needed to convert to change, but accepted it, and loved her anyways.

All of these people, and so many more I don't even know about or remember. All of these people changed me because I knew them.

My life before was that brook running through the woods, only it was heading running through deep dark places heading for the edge of a cliff. And then like the song says, I met a boulder, or a few boulders, and they changed my course.

That didn't mean I left the darkness all at once. But years later looking back on it I know I left it behind, I know I have been changed because I knew those people. And like the song says later, I do believe I have been changed for good.











- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone