Err...chalk it up to lack of sleep?

Dear George,

So I owe you an apology. I haven't talked to you in forever and what do I do?? Vent like a crazy person at 4 in the morning. I'm sorry!

How are you? I hope you're doing something interesting. Me? Well I think I'm having a "I'm actually 30" midlife crisis, or whatever. Changing things around, my hair, my make up, nails are always done now etc... Oh! And I'm going to have lap band surgery in a couple months. I've decided, I deserve it, and I need the help. 30 years as the fat girl with the great personality is enough dues to pay, don't you think? Plus, i need to lose weight for health reasons, and for tae kwon do. And... between you and me I'm in love with my best friend. Or at least it FEELS like i'm in love with JW. Tbh, could just be a crush fueled by being lonely. But he is definitely not in love with me that way, and i'm sure part of it is he's not attracted to me. I don't expect having the lap band surgery to cause him to love me like that, but I'd like it if someone like him was attracted to me, you know? Most guys i attract are sort of...scrubs, i think is the word. Live at home in their mid to late twenties, work as waiters or in retail, no plans for school, no interest in bettering themselves etc... No passions, other than possibly video games. Grew up in the Church but can't really hold an intelligent discussion or debate about it. Either that, or i attract the extreme nerds, the ones so socially awkward its a little painful to be around them until they loosen up a little. I used to think i wanted a quiet guy, but after having JW as a friend i really want someone with an opinion, who isn't afraid to talk to someone he doesn't know. So extreme nerds are out. So I guess what I'm saying is I'm not attracted at all to guys currently in my "league". JW would say that's dumb, that I can date whoever I want, etc etc... But he's either dead wrong or he's saying it to make me feel better. So I need to move up to a different league. I wanted to say "better" but that sounds terrible. So after years of dieting and failing, I'm going to have the surgery. I know I'll still have to diet, but I could use the help.

Other than that? My job is going great, I love the people I work with, even the ones I didn't get along with at first, and the work feels kind of like playing a video game. Customers give me a puzzle, i have to figure out what kind of puzzle it is, I have to figure out what actually happened not just what they say happened, even when they can't figure out how to describe it to me. I make decisions based on that, I have to figure out not only what THEY think they need but also what they REALLY need, then I have to figure out if what they want and what they need are possible within the law and the parameters of their contracts-which is NOT as easy as it sounds since different states handle things differently. I have to make sure everything is as fair as possible to everyone involved - even the people who aren't technically my customers. Then I plot a course to get from where they ended up back to where they should be, like all the steps that need to be taken. Then I go through the steps, as efficiently as possible, keeping in mind the steps could change as circumstances change.

Sometimes it's a little like being a detective, sometimes a therapist, sometimes a law clerk or something, accounts payable department, accounts receivable, mechanic, medical diagnostician, personal assistant, WOW raid healer (not main tank healer, that's too single minded, this is jumping from one task to another to another and applying just the right amount of force to keep them all going) and babysitter.

All while giving the best service to them I can, and making sure that every i is dotted and every t is crossed. No puzzle is ever the same, no customer reacts the same way. And while I work for them I also have to watch to make sure they're telling the truth, be on guard. I also have to be able to tell them no, while being as nice as possible. And I always, ALWAYS have to keep my cool, no matter what they are doing.

And I thought insurance was boring! It's a never ending video game with the sub plots of Law and Order and a soap opera. And that's just the customers!

I love the people I work with. In general, I have never worked with a nicer, friendlier, honest, more helpful, happier group of people in my whole life. It's like there's something in the water.

Of course everyone has a bad day every now and then, and there's bound to be a couple of surly people, but on the whole it's a great place to work.

I know this has been really long (again) and self absorbed, as usual, but if I can't be long winded and self absorbed with you George then who can I be that way with?

S