Force

Dear George,

I think I'm in love with my best friend. And I think he doesn't love me back, not like that.

I'm not sure what I should do. Should I stop spending time with him? Because this is like a slow motion train crash, I can see the pain coming. So if I stop spending time with him then maybe I won't be more attached to him than I am now. So maybe it will hurt less.

I talked to my friend RH about it. She's the only one besides you that knows. She doesn't believe I am capable of not seeing him and talking to him. She said JW is a force. He is pure optimism and he makes the people around him happy, you just can't help it. She says I am addicted to that happiness, and she doesn't think I can do without it.

Maybe she's right. He is a force. And being with him makes me happy.

But what happens when he meets someone else? Can I pretend to be happy for him? Can I be her friend and watch them together without hurting about it?

I know I'm capable of doing that. But I don't know if I want to. I am not sure I have a choice though, I don't think I can stop being his friend. And if he found someone that makes him happy then I would learn to deal with it because he should be happy.

Truth is? I also wonder if I'm not taking my love for him as a friend and exaggerating it into something more because I'm lonesome. I do love him very much. But I am also very alone, in terms of dating someone (remind me to tell you about the guy I went out with last night...yeah...not good). So I am really hoping I am just mixed up and I'll put him back into the friend zone once I'm not so lonely.

Because I don't think I can deal with a hugely broken heart again. Not with JW. I wouldn't even be able to be mad at him, cause he hasn't done anything wrong!

Thanks for listening George, it helps.

-S